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How long to wait before getting married #263997
11/12/12 07:58 PM
11/12/12 07:58 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
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believer Offline OP
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What is a sufficient length of courtship?

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-...getting-married

The author says 2 to 4 years. Yikes!


"I feel sad that I focused so much on his potential and so little on mine."
Re: How long to wait before getting married [Re: believer] #264018
11/12/12 09:51 PM
11/12/12 09:51 PM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,224
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FashionBarbie Offline
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Originally Posted By: believer
What is a sufficient length of courtship?

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-...getting-married

The author says 2 to 4 years. Yikes!


Do you think that's too long?

My ex and I dated for five years, and I was sure I knew him well.


Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep. God is awake.

-Victor Hugo
Re: How long to wait before getting married [Re: FashionBarbie] #264028
11/12/12 10:16 PM
11/12/12 10:16 PM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 9,381
TX
CajunRose Offline
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My xH and I dated for just over three years before we married (engaged after 2 years).

Night proposed at 6 months and we will be married at 13 months. I think I know him as well as I did xH. (I think xH knew his new wife about 6-7 months before they married.)

I think a great deal depends on how much communication you do about the things that are important to you, how well you've identified what is truly important to you, and what types of situations your dating life involves. If every date is some big production unlike your real life, and all you talk about is your favorite music, it may take a long time to truly get to know someone.

Some of our early dates involved Christmas shopping, window shopping, and visiting the zoo. Nice, normal stuff that makes up ordinary life.


Current spouse: Night. D10, D9, S7

About me

You can't direct the wind, but you can adjust your sails.

http://www.divorcedmomfinances.com
Re: How long to wait before getting married [Re: CajunRose] #264034
11/12/12 10:22 PM
11/12/12 10:22 PM
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believer Offline OP
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My ex and I dated for 3 years before we married, and I thought I knew him well. It turns out I didn't.


"I feel sad that I focused so much on his potential and so little on mine."
Re: How long to wait before getting married [Re: believer] #264050
11/12/12 10:54 PM
11/12/12 10:54 PM
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 332
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Kirby Offline
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Kirby  Offline
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Y'all, this chick from my divorce group just married a man that she met a couple of months ago. I think she's completely out of her mind.

I had known my ex almost 6 years before we got married, but we were just acquaintances/friends for most of that time. We seriously dated about a year.

I don't think there's one right answer about how long you should wait before getting married. It depends on circumstances, ages, are their kids involved, etc.


Kirby
Divorced after 25 years of marriage
Buncha' kids, 2 of them are still minors
Re: How long to wait before getting married [Re: Kirby] #264055
11/12/12 11:04 PM
11/12/12 11:04 PM
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I liked this part -

"In each audience that I’ve spoken to about marital decision-making, there is almost always someone who raises a hand and says, “My parents fell in love and got married a month later, and they’ve been completely happy together for the last 50 years.” The core of this statement is an assertion that lifelong happy marriages are possible with very short courtships. I wouldn’t disagree with this. My point is that it’s a matter of relative risk. Sure, a handful of marriages might thrive after short courtships, but for every one of these examples, a much greater number end in divorce.

So, in all cases, if we were to honestly weigh the emotional, psychological, and financial costs of a bad decision, wouldn’t wisdom in all cases suggest a relatively long courtship?"

My parents only dated for 3 months, and stayed happily married their whole lives, but it was risky.



"I feel sad that I focused so much on his potential and so little on mine."
Re: How long to wait before getting married [Re: believer] #264147
11/13/12 06:08 AM
11/13/12 06:08 AM
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 527
night Offline
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night  Offline
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I officially proposed at 6 months, but we knew well before then where we were going.


Success isn't measured by the money in your bank
Or by how many peoples heads you climbed upon and never thought to thank
It isn't about how many cars you own or holidays in the sun
True success is not being afraid to walk, while all the others run.
Re: How long to wait before getting married [Re: night] #264154
11/13/12 07:54 AM
11/13/12 07:54 AM
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for to fade Offline
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for to fade  Offline
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Well I waited 1 1/2 years and I see now I should have made it 15 years instead, or 30

Re: How long to wait before getting married [Re: ] #264244
11/13/12 06:34 PM
11/13/12 06:34 PM
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holdingontoit Offline
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The longer the better to minimize (but never eliminate) risk. Everything in life is risk / reward. The sooner you get married, the more risk you are taking. But the sooner you get to experience the joy of marriage.


Solutions? There are none. There are decisions.
Re: How long to wait before getting married [Re: Kirby] #264763
11/15/12 04:06 PM
11/15/12 04:06 PM
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 9,979
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SmilingWife Offline
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Originally Posted By: Kirby
Y'all, this chick from my divorce group just married a man that she met a couple of months ago. I think she's completely out of her mind.

I had known my ex almost 6 years before we got married, but we were just acquaintances/friends for most of that time. We seriously dated about a year.

I don't think there's one right answer about how long you should wait before getting married. It depends on circumstances, ages, are their kids involved, etc.


I met dh and was married to him 11 weeks and 5 days later. smile

You are right though, there is no exact science to it.

Re: How long to wait before getting married [Re: SmilingWife] #264768
11/15/12 04:13 PM
11/15/12 04:13 PM
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 9,979
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SmilingWife Offline
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I have givent his a lot of thought because I've seen my fair share of marriages fail.

The key is honesty. If you can be honest about what you want/need and what you can give as wants and needs...AND the other person can too...then I do not believe it takes long to decide if you are right for each other or not.

So you have to be honest with yourself...and have the skills to discern if the other person is being honest.

Mutual trustworthy friends help a lot I think. Knowing FACTS about background helps a lot.

A con artist can still fool a person....but most people do not want to intentionally deceive..

Re: How long to wait before getting married [Re: SmilingWife] #265202
11/18/12 09:51 PM
11/18/12 09:51 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 5,377
Not quite here
Squeaky Tree Offline
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Not quite here
We missed 5 junctions on the motorway and did an extra 100miles talking about weddings and guest lists after 2 months; bought a car to share at 4 months; J proposed at 6 months (at my dad's suggestion as we were just about to buy a house together); and we married at 13 months.



Married 20 years (this year) ~10y since dday(?)
DD14 DS12
Which way do you like yourself? ~ Stosny

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