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Active Threads | Active Posts | Unanswered Today | Since Yesterday | This Week
Troubled Marriage
04/01/20 01:29 AM
Stay safe and healthy. NYC is a hotbed as we know. šŸ™
1,020 175,085 Read More
Peer Counseling
03/31/20 04:10 PM
Originally Posted by Fiddler
What I find so powerful about these recommendations is how they only rely on my boundaries and not what may or may not be going on for the other person.

I continue to be amazed at how powerful it is to just work on my end of things, specifically boundaries, in any situation.

Like you said, the intent of the other person doesn't really matter; the important thing is that I exercise good boundaries. One example is with a neighbor. Because I felt sorry for the circumstances, I neglected to use appropriate boundaries for the situation until it became dangerous to me. Another example is with someone in the same self-help group who just does not like me and is pretty transparent at what the intent is for their actions at any given time. Good boundaries make it possible for that person to do whatever they feel the need to do without it becoming harmful to me. Annoying sometimes, Lol, but not harmful.

...the gaslighter has no motivation to change if what they are doing gets them what they want.

For that matter, I don't change anything that isn't causing me some kind of problem. Lol

It's easy for me to judge what someone else "should" do but the reality is that if they are getting what they want then it would be unwise for them to change what they're doing. And unwise for me to put all the control of my getting what I want or need in their hands. Until I enacted the current boundaries, the neighbor had zero motivation to change actions.

And here's the biggest lesson of the whole thing: Claims that certain behavior was not within the person's control somehow got magically managed when better boundaries were used on my end.

Same lesson from the last days of my marriage. Hopefully, I really get it now. Lol
10 295 Read More
Blogging Central
03/31/20 03:43 PM
How's it going for you, WuD? I know that you live in a hot spot.
1,953 276,318 Read More
Blogging Central
03/31/20 03:40 PM
LG, please don't try to get around the kids and quarantine. It's no joke where I live. And it will get worse before it gets better. I'm happy to stay put until this is over. I am blessed that my kids are all close enough to drop food to the porch. I'm cooking a bit for pick up.

I heard of Zoom this past week when my whole family did a visit with my grandson. Maybe you could do that with your grand... it was pretty cool. You can chat and play and read. I'll bet that your grand would love to have books read to him that way until you can get together in person again.

Stay safe and be well. smile
569 83,695 Read More
The Turning Point
03/31/20 03:28 PM
Hi Ace and Miranda smile

Glad to see that you're both well.

Miranda, what a blessing you are to us! Thank you for all that you have done that brought you to this point and for all that you will do because of it. smile

Ace, I hear ya about the old thing. Before we were required to stay home, my grandson got sick (thankfully it was the flu!) on the day that he was scheduled to spend the night at my house. He called me to tell me that he wouldn't be coming because I'm old and he was protecting me. lol

Stay safe and be well.
152 136,721 Read More
Other Topics
03/29/20 06:09 AM
For the naysayers who need help with the math.......

The math on how COVID-19 influences the masses.

Vox: COVID19 expansion - do the math

Empathy in action is important.

View and pass it on.

Take care and be safe.
34 1,566 Read More
Infidelity and Abandonment
03/27/20 02:01 AM

Nice to hear from you.

Thanks for your update.

Take care,

2 62 Read More
Welcome Newcomers!
03/18/20 05:30 AM
[Linked Image]

Hello shattered72,


We hope you find our board to be a useful place to exchange ideas, and to seek support for your marriage, especially if your marriage is in crisis. Our members are made up of men and women working cooperatively to improve, build, or rebuild our marriages. Some have just begun, others have many years of wisdom and experience.

If your marriage is in trouble and you need support, check out our support forums. We have several forums, figure out whichever fits your situation best, and start posting!

Our support forums are not the same as professional counseling or coaching, and are not meant to take their place. When you need support and encouragement - or a friendly voice to give you advice - we are here. Many of us have been where you are now and understand how alone you may feel... and we are here to support you.

We also have forums to discuss and review the various books, websites and marriage programs that are out there today. Our members are available to share what they know about the resources that are out there.

A great place to start is our Articles section here

Helpful info for you:

Safety first! For tips on protecting your privacy read Internet 101: Protecting Yourself Online

In order to get tips and suggestions that will maximize and hopefully ease your experience here, check out Chrysalis' Welcome Wagon

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* Please do not use this venue to drum up business for your goods or services.

When you get a chance, please post on the "How did you Find MA?" thread to help with our marketing process.

Welcome aboard... and we look forward to getting to know you!


P.S. When you see a blinking envelope near the top right-hand side of your display, that's the "You've Got Mail" indicator. Please click on the blinking envelope to check your PMs (Private Messages).
1,538 2,352,268 Read More
Infidelity and Abandonment
03/12/20 10:36 PM
Originally Posted by Orchid2
Originally Posted by Blair
....... Keep a watchful eye on your H until he can earn back trust over time.

This is an important post. Don't shadow or harass him but as Blair posted....'keep a watchful eye'..... He needs to EARN back your trust, don't freely give it to him. Y? Because he still has the roots of a WS entwined in his heart.

Understood and I agree completely. I intend to remain extremely watchful; no plans to let my guard down.
185 3,397 Read More
Blogging Central
03/06/20 09:26 PM
Thanks, Blair.
3,825 2,648,805 Read More
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